It’s all about Recovery

19516529728_ec17965d3e_o

This appears to be my motto for my weight loss journey this time around.  As I believed I’ve mentioned before, I am a perfectionist, and so remembering this will be imperative to my success.  In fact, I recently purchased a Weight Watchers food journal and used this exact quote as the sticker on the cover of my book.

It’s hard not to get caught up in being perfect. For me, this desire for perfection has helped me a lot in finding success throughout my life; however, it has also been a detriment to my weight loss success.  Striving for perfections leads me to lie in my food log, quit when I have a stumble and become lost in the fear that I will never look the way  I did, want to, etc.

In order to find success this time around, I need to remember to take each day as it comes.  There will be days where I have an unplanned meal and that’s okay.  There will be weeks where I use all of my weekly points in a weekend, or worse in a day.  There will even be times where no matter how hard I try to ignore it, I  will just need to eat a cupcake, even if I have no more points left! As long as I track what I eat, look at my food journal as a learning tool and make progress in the long run, I will be successful.

My leader often talks about recovery.  She says it’s okay to have a bad day/bad days, but that it’s important to not allow it to turn into a week, a month, a year.  You have to forgive yourself for your blunder (if that’s what it was) or wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and relish in the deliciousness that just was.  Then, you need to look at what you did, learn from it and try to make decisions for the rest of the week that will provide balance.  That’s what naturally thin people and lifetime weight watchers do daily, without even thinking.  They eat a snack, a savory meal and then they stop.  They don’t let it derail them.  They enjoy it, accept it, and move on.

Recovering from a treat, mistake, mindless moment is where I struggle the most.  I allow one caloric item/meal to dictate the rest of my week with the age old “I’ll start tomorrow” instead of “I’ll start again right now.”  So this is what I am working on this week.  So far, so good.

Moving forward

Screen Shot 2017-08-14 at 1.37.44 PM.png

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks.  I just haven’t been in the mood to take care of myself (and yes, I cringe as  I write that) and have followed the start and end of each day with “I’ll start tomorrow”.  Three weeks later, here I am.

I’ve still been attending my meetings and have had the best intentions of getting my head in the game.  I think one of the biggest issues is that I am still struggling with making time for myself.  Sure, I go to my meetings each Saturday for about an hour and every once in a while get a pedicure, but aside from that it’s all about everyone else.  I feel really selfish writing that…as though taking care of everyone is a bad thing. It’s actually one of my greatest joys and I think that this is why I have so much trouble accepting the fact that it is okay to separate myself from wife and mother in order to do things that feed my soul.  I also think that this idea of spending time alone/doing the things I love is new to me.  Something that I’ve only gotten an itch for within the past year or so and something I’ve only actually acknowledged within the past few months.

Although it may seem cliche, I think I’d probably be a far more amazing person if I actually figured out this whole self-care self-love thing.  As I searched to create something to use as the key photo of this post, I stopped and really thought about the quote: “Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Mind, body, spirit.”  I think part of my struggle has been that I am trying to take care of my physical body and not finding success because my mind and spirit are not following suite.  I am not sure if Lisa in her  twenties never needed alone time, or if it was so abundant that it never took making a conscious effort to obtain it.  I do know, however, that something has to change if I want to change.

Apropos to this, my husband and I had a conversation about time just this week.  You see, my husband has never struggled to feed his soul by doing the things that he loves.  From mountain biking, triathlon training, or going for a run to washing his car, going for a swim in our pool or surfing, he is easily able to fill his time with activities that make his heart full.  When we had our son, he struggled with the transition for a bit because he wasn’t able to just “be”/”do” anymore; he now had the responsibility of being “Dad”, too.  While he always states that I never give him even the slightest “ugh” (for lack of a better word) when he wants to complete any of his hobbies, he feels guilty because I rarely ask to do anything just for myself.  I had an epiphany that day.  The problem isn’t that there aren’t times that there are things that I’d like to do, but rather that the things that I would do seem selfish to ask someone for help in doing.  For example, I have been trying to read this book for about three weeks.  I haven’t made it past chapter one.  I’d love to say, “Hey, can you watch the baby for an hour so I can read?” but to me that seems like a silly reason to make him stop whatever it is that he is doing. He made a good point, stating: “Maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad asking you to do things if you’d ask me.  Babe, I’d totally understand if you asked to go read your book in silence, blow dry your hair for an hour, or just go upstairs and sit on the floor.  It wouldn’t matter…I just wish you would.”

While I haven’t taken him up on that offer just yet, I do plan on making a conscious effort  to do so.  Sadly, there are times when I don’t even realize that there is something I’d like to do.  I am so used to putting everyone first that I’ve lost the things that make me thrive. How deeply saddening is that?

In working on losing the weight, I need to also focus on mind and spirit.  As I know all too well, if all three aren’t alined, there is no balance.

100 Days of Why: Fifty-Eight

Screen Shot 2017-07-18 at 9.57.43 PM.png

Day 1:  To be the best role model for my son

Day 2:  To buy clothes that I love and not just clothes that fit

Day 3:  To feel comfortable in my own skin

Day 4:  To never need to question if my weight was part of any failure/opinion/etc.

Day 5:  To walk in the room like I deserve to be there

Day 6:  To be truly healthy

Day 7:  To feel in control

Day 8:  To live a better life

Day 9:  To stop starting over

Day 10:  To gain energy–Physically, Mentally, Spiritually

Day 11:  To have a vast array of beautiful undergarments

Day 12:  To love myself

Day 13: To end the cycle

Day 14: To feel comfortable on the beach

Day 15: To build a wardrobe

Day 16:  To fall in love with exercise…To have it function as a hobby and a replacement of    food when feeling stressed, etc.

Day 17: Because eating right feels good

Day 18: To treat myself the way I’d treat someone else-to speak kindly, to love, to be understanding…

Day 19: To be proud of myself

Day 20:  To start living

Day 21: Because I’m sick of being tired.

Day 22: To like what I see when I look in the mirror

Day 23:  Because I want to.

Day 24: Because it’s the one thing in my life that I have total and complete control over

Day 25: Because there’s no greater feeling than success

Day 26: To further prove to myself that I can do anything

Day 27: To spend my time worrying about more important things

Day 28: To stop sucking in

Day 29: Because I want to want to be in pictures

Day 30: To raise my family to have healthy habits

Day 31: To be fit/active before my next pregnancy

Day 32:  To sort through and finally rid of my multiple clothes bins

Day 33:  To hopefully remedy my cracked heel issues

Day 34:  To become a lifetime member and stop paying weight watchers

Day 35:  To look strong and sexy

Day 36:  To help/inspire others to lose weight, too

Day 37:  To be able to buy things online without needing to try them on because I know my size

Day 38:  To focus on me without feeling bad

Day 39:  One word…lingerie

Day 40: To live a long life

Day 41: To stop bingeing

Day 42: So my ankles stop hurting when I stand or walk for too long

Day 43: To be more positive…when you feel better about yourself, you feel better about everything else

Day 44: To sweat less!

Day 45: To expand my boot options for the winter…Hopefully, my calves will lose some inches during this process.  And if they don’t, to know it’s not because of the weight,
but rather because it’s my build.

Day 46: To shop in boutiques

Day 47: To come out of my shell and be more social

Day 48: To wear colors other than black

Day 49: To be comfortable to add dresses and non-maxi length skirts, not just pants, to my wardrobe.

Day 50: To make my husband proud

Day 51:  To finally earn all of my Weight Watchers bling

Day 52: To be a success story

Day 53: To stop feeling jealous/less than when I see others who have had success

Day 54: To treat my body well

Day 55: To stop feeling bloated

Day 56:  To only eat foods that I truly enjoy or that make me feel good

Day 57:  To never have to look back again and say, “I should’ve started then.”

Background of each “why” is from Apple Keynote “Exhibition”