Become the Master of your Fate

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My vision for 2017… (continued from yesterday)

As my best self, I am content.  I’ve reached my goal weight which has allowed me to find a new part of myself that I didn’t know existed, or rather that I lost over the years.  I am confident, patient, and more kind.  I don’t sweat the small stuff, I live a life of purpose and exude warmth.

Physically my legs are tone, stomach flat, arms lean and strong.  I run for fun and share my passion for running with my son and husband.  I am fit. I practice yoga and even visit the studio near my home.  I am confident to go the gym and no longer worry about whether or not someone is watching me or if I look silly on a new piece of equipment.  Exercise is a part of my life.  It isn’t something that I have to do, but rather something that just gets done, naturally.

When I enter my closet, the tears have dried and in their place are pieces I actually love.  Hangers adorned with classic items from stores like J. Crew, Banana, Loft, Ann Taylor, Bloomies, Nordstrom, etc.  Blouses, dresses, sweaters, tanks, camis, slacks- all in various colors and fits- chosen because I love them and not just because they fit.  I no longer have guilt when buying clothes, nor do I need to wait to make a purchase for when I am skinnier, lose 10 pounds or reach my goal.  I am there and I am proud.

Now when I walk into a room, it’s as though I deserve to be there (and I believe it).  With each pound that I have lost, my confidence has gained. I have self confidence, but I am not conceited. I no longer slouch; I hold my head high. I choose not to participate in negative talk, regarding myself or others.  I am impeccable with my word.  I am respected, adored, appreciated and acknowledged.  People want to be around me.  I am poised, I am loved.

My husband and I fall deeper in love each day, with one another and our son.  We model a healthy lifestyle and provide him with a loving home.  We eat a home cooked meal together most nights, have traditions like pizza Wednesday, and go to the beach frequently in the summer.  We dance in the kitchen and roll the windows down in our car, singing loudly, the warm summer breeze stroking our cheeks.  We  vacation and travel.  We show him what this world has to offer- the good, the bad, and the ugly.  He knows how good he has it, how lucky he is to have two parents and a family that loves and adores him.  He is happy, sweet and kind.  The best gift of all is that we get to see the world through his eyes. Beautiful. Refreshing. New.

We build our home- not just with brick and mortar, but with memories.  We make improvements, host Christmas, read books, cuddle during storms, sip wine and sit by the fire on crisp Autumn nights.  We laugh.  At times, we cry.

I worry less and live more.  I try new things:  kayaking, skiing, sledding, surfing, paddle boarding, etc.  So what if I fall, at least I try.

My opinion is valued.  I value others.  I listen to speak and don’t speak to listen. I remember birthdays, anniversaries, deaths.  I am someone’s somebody.  My reputation speaks for itself.  I am reliable and trusted.  I speak my mind, but do so in a way that is sophisticated, purposeful, and full of composure.

I am strong.  I use my past experience- my mother’s death, my aunt’s love, the physical and emotional abuse, the euphoria, the obstacles, the sunshine- to inspire others to do better, to be their best selves.

I am the master of my fate…

…this is the life I want to claim for myself in 2017**

You Become What You Believe

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Am I the only person who grew up dreaming about the future?  I remember being sixteen and journaling about what would happen when I graduated high school- where I would work, who I would marry, where I’d live, etc.  My vision was so clear I could taste it.  Luckily, many of those things came true…even more luckily, some of them did not.  Can you say high school boyfriend?  😉   Anyhow, I believe having clear visions was what helped me to be successful throughout my life.

I suppose it’s a part of my type A personality, but to this day, I still plan ahead.  It gives you something to look forward to, to aim for, an aspiration.  Considering I’ve been doing it my entire life, one would think that I would have no problem envisioning my life healthy and fit.  For some reason, whenever I try to do this, I cannot seem to get a clear picture.  It’s like those movies where the person loses their memory and then can only see a fuzzy, incomplete picture when he/she tries to jog their memory.

I decided that maybe it might help me to write down my vision-stream of consciousness-and see where it takes me (so don’t mind the grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. or lack thereof).**

To be continued…

**This post was inspired by Oprah’s video post from January 5th, 2017.   Connecting with Oprah is a new addition to the Weight Watchers program.  As a member of the program, you are entitled to receive inspirational messages to help you to “…keep going on your journey.”

Take the First Step…

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Yesterday, I joined my work friends for a group photo (something I rarely do).  Later, said photo was sent to all of us via a group message.  After seeing the picture, I felt both horrified and embarrassed in that order.  Horrified because each of my colleagues now had access to this awful photo and embarrassed at the person I saw staring back at me.  As my own biggest critic,  unattractive, large, tired, lazy and disgusting were just a few of the words that came to mind.

That picture ruined the rest of my day.  I could not get if off of my mind and it only helped to amplify my negative self talk. I hate that I allowed something as simple as a picture to affect me in such a significant way.  I am tired of being tired.  Tired of feeling ugly (or worse, thinking that I look okay to then later see a picture or catch a glimpse of myself and feel utterly shocked).  I am tired of standing in my closet staring, tears in my eyes because I have nothing to wear. I am sick of feeling sad, eating, feeling worse and then repeating the cycle with no end.  Most importantly, I am tired of not loving myself with the unconditional love that I know I deserve.  It may sound cliche, but if anyone were to speak of/to my loved ones the way I speak to myself, I would have quite a few choice words for them…yet this is how I speak about me.

I know that looks aren’t everything.  In fact, I have many positive attributes, among them: intelligence, strength, passion, compassion, empathy, sympathy, drive and focus.  However, I feel that my inner strengths would only be amplified if I felt better about the way I look on the outside.

As a motherless daughter, I know far too well that life is short.  I don’t want to look back with a list of things I wish I did.  I want to live.  I want to be the best version of myself, not only for me, but for my husband, son, students, siblings, friends, etc.

I’ve been stuck here for a long time…I am ready to take my first step.

Are you listening?

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I’ll let you in on a little secret…I strongly believe in something greater than both you or I. I love the idea of serendipity and am convinced that we are being provided with constant signs, if only we listen.  So often, though, we are caught up in everything else that they are missed.

Here was one of my silly sI had been contemplating starting this blog for a while.  In fact, I went through the entire sign up process and then never confirmed my email to finalize it.  The message sat looming in my inbox since October.  In rejoining Weight Watchers this week, I revisited the idea.  As I sat down  in front of the television with my husband last night, it crossed my mind yet again.  We were sitting there watching, but not really watching,  E! News.  We were in a catatonic state–not yet ready for bed, but uncommitted to fully focusing on anything, either.  I was zoned out thinking about the blog.  That’s when it happened.  E! News ended and Revenge Body aired.  I was immediately sucked in. I could relate to everything that Will and Stephanie  were feeling. From seeing myself as the ugly, fat friend to eating to ease the pain-I related to it all, tears welling in my eyes. I felt like they were talking to me.  It sounds so silly, but watching and relating to people on this show was just the push I needed.

What was I afraid of?  It was in that moment that I decided I was going to do this.  As scary as it is to put yourself out there, maybe doing so will be the missing piece that I’ve needed. The universe spoke to me yesterday…I’m glad I was listening.

Blog Bias

I thought I would share some of the blogs that I have found most helpful on my journey. I will try to keep this list updated as I continue to discover.

Weight Loss/Maintenance

  1. Runs for Cookies
  2. It Sux to Be Fat
  3. Brooke Not on a Diet
  4. Roni’s Weigh (her older site that she no longer updates–neat to read because it chronicles her weight loss)
  5. Roni Noone  (the aforementioned blogger’s new site)

Recipes

  1. Skinnytaste
  2. Emily Bites
  3. A Cedar Spoon