You can’t chase life in your sleep.


Yesterday, I decided to start writing in my habit and gratitude journals.  Coincidentally, last Saturday,  my Weight Watchers leader also asked us to open our weigh-in booklets and take note of the small goals section located at the top of each 4 week section (see below).


Initially, I had decided that my small goal/habit for the next 4 weeks would be to “Track, Track, Track.”  Literally, that is what I wrote.  I was content with that, until this morning when I hit snooze two too many times and was rushing to get dressed, make milk for G, lay out his clothes, throw lunches in bags, etc.

As I was driving to work, it dawned on me.  Tracking isn’t really part of my issue, at least not now.  My issue is, as I constantly mention, TIME!  I cannot track if I don’t have time. I can’t meal prep if I don’t have time.  Can’t exercise, can’t meditate, can’t relax, complete chores, play with my son, go on a date, etc, all without time.  And so the simple and complicate answer to this is to make time.

Instead of tracking, my “aha” of this morning was that my new habit needs to be waking up earlier.  If I wake up earlier, I can do so much more–my hair, my meditations, a load of laundry–or nothing at all.  But at least it will be time afforded only to me.  I think I might really appreciate this new habit and it will help me to make better use of my day.  Besides, it’s not like I fall back asleep anyway.  I most often lay there in that state between sleep and awake.  Not quite “with it” enough to think, but not relaxed enough to retire back to dreamland.

As of now, my plan is to set the alarm for 4:30 and to actually WAKE UP!

Wish me luck!

Menu: March 19-23, 2018

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Monday:  Skinnytaste Chicken Divan with Brown Rice, Recipe here.

Tuesday:  Taco Tuesday! I brown 93/7 beef and add low sodium taco seasoning.  I serve it along side shredded lettuce, Joseph’s Pitas, real shredded cheddar (I don’t think low fat taste even 1/3 as good as regular), FF Refried Beans, and Sriracha.  I make the hubby TGIFriday’s Frozen Jalapeño poppers.  My plan is not to have any of those, since they do not give a lot of bang for their 7 pt each buck!

Wednesday: Grilled Chicken and Veggies, Adaptation of this Skinnytaste Recipe.

Thursday:  Skinnytaste Giant Turkey Meatball Parmesan served alongside Dole Sunflower Crunch Salads, Recipe here.

Friday:  Weight Watchers White Wine Clam Sauce with Skinnytaste Garlic Knots and Salad, Recipes here and here.


I start my Oprah and Deepak 21 Day Mediation today.  I planned on waking up earlier in order to complete it before school; however, I took allergy medicine last night and couldn’t wake up this morning!


You only have to listen.


Since writing yesterday, the icky chest feeling has subsided and I already feel lighter and more free.  It’s funny how acknowledging your feelings can do that, huh?

For the longest time, I’ve had these books in my drawer.  Like most things in my life over the past year, I’ve had great intentions for using them, but then life happens.

While cleaning out my kitchen drawer last week, I came across the habits journal (below).  I had purchased it from Michael’s a while ago and never got around to using it or the gratitude journal (also from Michael’s).  I decided to dust them both off and throw them into my bag.  I thought i might be a little way to help focus my intentions and improve my spirit.

In terms of the book, I ordered it a while ago and never got around made the time to read it.  I am currently teaching a writing class where the students are required to read independently and then take part in literature circles.  As good models, my co-teacher and I are also reading (books of our choice) the days we ask the students to do so.  I began reading this yesterday and already there are a million “Ahas” that connect to how I’ve been feeling (more on that in a later post).


After hitting post yesterday, I was researching some of Deepak Chopra’s ideas.  It was ideas similar to his that were in that article from the Oprah magazine I had been discussing yesterday. I was reading something on meditation and thought to myself, I should take some time to do that everyday.  I had downloaded an app (I think it was called Mindfulness, but I need to double check) a while back and did it once or twice.  I remember I really liked it.   It’s not very often that I am still in my own thoughts. I think that’s an integral part of nurturing your soul–even if just for a moment. I’m thinking that would help to alleviate some stress and provide some mental clarity.  Since becoming a mom I feel as though I am alway “on”.  I think it’d be a nice, healthy, self-ful* way to turn off (not to mention making me a better mom, teacher, friend).

Later in the day, while skimming Facebook, Liz Josefsberg had the following post on Facebook.


How funny that I only had to put the idea of needing help out to the universe and suddenly it began to fall into place.

It’s like someone, somewhere is screaming at me to take the time to worry about me.  To make myself a priority.  To do the things I keep saying I am going to do.

Yup, the universe is definitely like the Amazon Alexa.

*Self-ful–a word my WW leader uses to talk about ways we make our own lives worth living.  Things we do for ourselves, not to be selfish, but to nurture and love ourselves the same way we nurture and care for others.  What a better world it’d be if we all took just a little time to do this.

In searching more about this, I came across an interesting and applicable article from the Psychology Today website entitled “Selfish vs Self-ish:  What’s the Really BIG Difference”.

According to Leon F. Seltzer:

Defined principally as “thinking only of oneself” (definitely the most common usage for selfish), you get–among other unfavorable possibilities–egocentric, egoistic, egotistical, mean, self-centered, self-indulgent, self-seeking, and ungenerous. Perceived more along the lines of “covetousness” or “greediness” nets you (ah! the repulsive Gordon Gekko strikes again!) acquisitive, avaricious, grasping, mercenary, miserly, money-grubbing,piggish, predatory, rapacious, tightfisted, and voracious. Looked at mainly as “thinking very [extravagantly?] highly of oneself,” its uncomplimentary synonyms include conceited, megalomaniacal, narcissistic, self-absorbed, self-serving, and vainglorious. And lastly, seen in terms of insensitivity toward others–or general inconsiderateness–we have such unflattering descriptors as boorish, brash, discourteous, impolite, rude, thoughtless, uncharitable, and unkind.

Okay, I rest my case. No positives at all here (unless, that is, you happen to be one of the Koch brothers!).

But what happens if you hyphenate the word selfish?–which, I must confess, no one appears to have done before me. How might placing the “-ish” suffix after the root “self” change the whole tenor of the word’s meaning? in effect, transform it semantically? . . . and into something positive–in fact, actually desirable.

Let’s take a look. Among the meanings of “-ish” are: “having the characteristics of,” “belonging to,” or [my favorite] “concerned with.” If you’re the center of your universe (after all, who else could possibly be a better candidate for the job?), is it not fitting that your very orientation toward life ought to have a certain self-interested focus? that your primary “concern” should be, well, you?

None of this, to me, implies selfishness as such. It’s just that if you’re going to (1) take complete responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, wants and needs, and (2) strive to reach your full potential, it makes perfect sense to make yourself your highest priority–to focus your time and energy on advancing your own welfare. That is, to be self-ish. And there’s absolutely no reason that you can’t at the same time be concerned about, loving and nurturing, toward others. However ironic it might at first seem, much research has shown that giving to others may ultimately be one of the most effective ways to nurture yourself.

Here is the link to the full article.

Why I haven’t been around…

That Feeling....jpg

I am not sure if anyone is reading this.  I suppose that at the end of the day,  I really just need to write this for myself, anyway (though I am glad to share if anyone is there).

For the life of me I cannot commit myself to this journey.  I’ve stopped writing about it because I (as I believe I’ve mentioned before) am sick of hearing myself say it.  Besides, what’s the point of writing if nothing changes.  But I feel like I need to get the feelings out there.

I’ve not felt quite like myself in some time.  Lately, especially, I have a constant feeling of anxiousness pressing at my chest.  Yesterday, we had a snow day from school and I decided to visit two Oprah Magazines I had sitting in my drawer.  One of them discussed quieting your mind and just listening to your body.  This spinning, whirly, adrenaline-filled, thumping weight on my heart is trying to tell me something. It’s impacting most parts of my life, and I want need to figure out just what it is.

As I’ve mentioned before, I truly believe that the universe sends us signs/messages that we are meant to receive so long as we are open to hearing them.  The other day, I was thinking about what exactly needed to happen in order for everything to click and fall into its proverbial place.  As I logged onto my computer to visit a blog I check often, I found this post.  Moments before, I had literally been thinking of this very thought.

“Lisa, you know what you need to do….why is it so difficult to get it done?”

Clearly the universe, sort of like the Amazon Alexa, is always listening.

After reading that post, the first thing that stuck was the idea of a “life” plan.  For the longest time, I’ve wanted to write down my “plan” for losing the weight and focusing on myself.  Story of my life, I never got around to it.  Piggybacking off of that, the second thing that stuck out to me was the idea that we have to stop making the same old excuses.  How many of us say “I’ll start tomorrow, next week, after Christmas, on the third Tuesday of April…”?  As part of my making a plan, I also need to address how I will deal with the excuses I make to get around doing what I need to do. My biggest one…time.  There is time.  I need to make myself a priority, even if it has to be at 4:30 am.

As an aside (though it connects, I swear) last Monday, I decided I would make it a point to wake up early enough to blow-dry my hair straight.   When I do so, I feel better about myself, which directly impacts my decisions, attitude, etc. for the day.  Of course, my son also decided to wake up early, my husband was moving more slowly than usually, etc. leading to me not getting to do the one thing I wanted to do for myself that day.  Later, my husband, feeling bad because he knew that it was my one tiny desire of the day, said to me, “How much earlier can you wake up?” My response, which I was shocked to hear coming out of my mouth, “As early as it takes to make sure I take care of me.”

Did I follow through with that in the days following? No.

But the words simply leaving my lips were a big step.

For me, I know part of my success is directly linked to the physical act of writing out my plan, my struggles, etc.  Something tells me that if I make a constant and purposeful effort to quiet my mind from everything else I need to worry about throughout my day to simply worry about myself, that nagging feeling in my chest and heart will subside.  I think it’s my body’s way of telling me to focus on my heart…on loving myself.

I don’t want to look back at this life with a bunch of “I wish I hads…” and “If I had onlys…”

I want to LIVE my life–wildly, passionately and presently.

Fitting Room Funk


Last week at my meeting, we talked about the idea of “acting as if”.  Act as if you are thin, act as if you are confident,  perfect, happy, stress free, etc.  While sitting there, I realized that I needed to take some of this advice.

For years, I have lived in a world of only buying clothes when I absolutely have to.  Firstly, I feel guilty spending money on myself and second, I feel as though I cannot justify the spending when I hate the way I look and am buying things because they fit and not necessarily because I love them.  While this makes sense in my head, it makes no sense on most mornings while standing in my closet in my underwear  (sorry for the visual) staring at the same ten things and feeling blahhhh (for lack of a better term).

So in the middle of the meeting, I decided that I was going to suck it up and try to shop for things that fit, that I actually like, that make me feel good, etc.  Sometimes, when I get into this mindset it is great. It’s important to note here that one of my other issues is that I only really have success at limited stores. And let’s be honest, if I am going to subject myself to shopping, am only willing to go to these places.  For curiosity’s sake, they include The Loft, Target, Old Navy and The Gap.  I like these places because they are not overly priced and they make me feel justified in spending the money and the time.  They also seem to fit me well when I am not at my ideal size.

Last week ran away from me and so my husband, sister, son and I ventured off to the outlets yesterday in order to shop.  Upon entering the Loft, I found a number of items that I liked (yay…score one for me).  I walked into the dressing room with about 12-15 items on my arm and began to try them on.  Item by item, my feelings of hope depleted.  Nothing looked good, fit right, etc.  I seem to be in between a large and an extra large right now and so things were either too big or a bit too snug for my liking.

This is another issue with trying to build a wardrobe when you have nothing.  It’s either all or nothing in the store.  Either you find a million things you love or nada.  It was a nada day.

Now picture this…As I am standing there, half dressed in an oversized Loft sweater and my own jeans (that are too big, but fit well enough) fighting, with every ounce of my being, the desire to simultaneously start sobbing and picking myself apart, my younger, very sweet sister who I completely adore is in the dressing room across from me also trying on clothes.  My sister is ten years younger than me, a perfect body (I am not exaggerating…she looks the way I used to look before I learned the joys of emotionally eating).  She is an extra small on a good day, a size two in pants, flat stomach, tiny legs with a big, large, compassionate heart and kind eyes to match.  So she is in the dressing room across from me complaining about how nothing fits right and she might need a petite and “oh-woe-is meing” that her shirt is too long a looks like a dress (which, by the way, it didn’t…) and I wanted to scream.  I literarily gathered up the battlefield of failed attempts that hung in front of me, dropped them on the “changed my mind” rack and meandered my way to my husband who was happily waiting on a bench with the baby.

I swear normally I do not size-shame anyone, big or small.  I understand that everyone has their insecurities and I try to be positive regarding everyone’s feelings.  However, yesterday in that dressing room, I felt more defeated and frustrated than I had in a long, long time.

I am big on self-reflection and so the point of my writing this is the following:

  1. To share/remind you that you are not alone in feeling this way (and, honestly, I know that I am not either.  But it doesn’t feel good when you are experiencing the sadness of it).
  2. To process the feelings.  Before the baby, I had an easy time processing “the feelings” and I think part of my struggle comes back to what it always does, not having as much time to worry about me (this is actually great sometimes, but functions as a major hindrance others).

What I have deducted is this…

  1.  In typical Lisa fashion I am trying to do too much all at once.
  2. The Lisa on Weight Watchers that I was BB (before baby) cannot be the Lisa that I am now.  Most of the time, I LOVE the Lisa that I am now, but sometimes I wish that I could hang onto some of the old Lee, too.  For example, my parents watched the baby overnight on Saturday so that my husband and I could attend a good friend’s surprise party.  The next morning, I was up before the hubby (isn’t it funny how when you actually can sleep late, you never do) and decided I would meal prep a bit by making a delicious WW quiche recipe (I’ll share it later).  Granted I wound up not being able to make the quiche because one of the ingredients I needed was expired, it didn’t matter.  I had forgotten how nice it was to cook without a little person grabbing at your feet, requesting milk, to play, to color, etc.  I didn’t identify how much cooking had become a chore until that moment.  I never minded cooking, but as of late, I struggle to not just order in every night.   And then, of course, as I sat there explaining this to my husband (and even as I tap the keys of my computer now), the mom guilt set in.  I love the little man like crazy; I just miss being able to cook in peace and that’s okay, too).
  3. I am having a really hard time with the stuff that comes up each week.  For example, the start of my week (tracking-wise) is Saturday, and of course, this Saturday, I had the party.  I planned to eat well, but once I was there and starving, the delicious, homemade latin food set me off.  I ate a HUGE helping of rice and beans, chicken, pernil, and potato salad (all very point-unfriendly items).  That doesn’t include the plate of cheese and crackers that I picked on or the wine I drank while I waited for the guest of honor to arrive.  Frankly, I enjoyed every bite, taste and sip and was okay with my decisions.  I actually tracked everything, but then met my parents out for breakfast the next morning and then set myself on a downward spiral for the rest of the day.  Then, I started beating myself up which led to more emotional eating.  It’s like I cannot get out of my own way.  And while I am being completely honest, I haven’t tracked on a weekend in as long as I can remember.  So how can I expect to lose weight if I am not following the plan (which includes weekends, I know).  Now, on Wednesday I have Valentine’s day and then next week we are going to Vermont with friends (which is always just a glutton fest–tons of drinking and eating crap).  I feel like I keep getting slammed with obstacles and I keep quitting because of it. I just want a normal, regular week where food temptations aren’t surrounding me from all angles.

**I apologize for my stream of consciousness thinking and venting right now, but that’s where I am at and I think the feelings are communicated and discarded better this way.

So the moral of the story is a I need to start slow and make a plan and take care of myself.  The issue is that this is always the moral of the story and I cannot seem to get it through my thick-ass head!

Lost and Found, January 2018


I haven’t lost any real weight.  In fact, I found some old pounds, lost them and then gained them again.

I’ve still lost myself, my motivation, my desire to write, or blog, or eat well or plan, etc.  I want it so badly, and yet I cannot seem to find the spark necessary to get started.  I’ve embraced the new plan, and yet, I do not want to plan.  Ironic, huh?


I am embarrassed to come on here and share my new goals, new ideas, fresh start, only to be back in the same predicament as I was before.  I wanted this blog to be motivating, and yet I cannot seem to find anything to make it just that.

I “found” Orange Theory fitness, which I actually quite enjoyed.  I joined, but then got really ill last weekend and was unable to attend.  My next scheduled class is this Saturday, so I am hoping that will help to motivate me to move a little more and eat a little less.  My plan is to attend at least two days a week for now, until I can build up my endurance.  I then may consider adding an additional day to the week.  For now, I think two days is doable and a fair goal, considering my mo is to over plan and then become discouraged when I cannot keep up.


I’m Baaaccckkk…

Hello Speech Bubble

Sorry for the hiatus.  I just haven’t been feeling the writing vibe, or any vibe for that matter.  I am overwhelmed, under slept, blah blah blah, but I am sure you really don’t want to hear about how I am struggling, post after post, and so I took a little break.  From weight loss, from reading, from manicures, from myself.  Except, you really can’t do that, can you?  Because when you stop taking care of yourself, everything else just starts to feel off.  You’d think I would have learned this by now.  I understand it in my head…I am trying to get my heart to follow suit.

Anyhow, one thing that is helping me to become re-motivated is the new Weight Watchers Freestyle Plan.  I am one of those people (don’t present that you aren’t, too) who gets super excited over plan changes/adjustments, etc.  They always seem to give me the little kick in the rump that I need.  To be honest, I always felt there was something missing since re-joining after having the baby.  I was back in school (to earn my admin. degree) and then pregnant soon after, so I missed the whole Smart Points roll out.  I know that many people struggled with the transition–especially when their beloved cookies went from four to eleven points.  When I rejoined, I assumed my lack of motivation/true success was my own fault.  While I still wholeheartedly agree that’s a huge part of it, I also feel as though the newer plan lacked the livability that the previous one had.

Something that is currently getting in my way is all of the events of November/December.  I feel like I just don’t want to get started (that’s not entirely true…I want to get started, I just can’t get out of my own way long enough to make any sort of progress).  I keep pushing everything in the area of self-care/weight loss/etc. to tomorrow, next week, Tuesday, January, etc.  Listen, I am a realist.  I started this blog about a year ago.  I’ve pushed it off so much, I can soon have myself a little anniversary party to celebrate all of my tomorrow plans.

Something’s gotta give and that something is ME!  I know this, but it hasn’t quite set in yet.  How does the saying go? Slow and steady wins the race…at this point, I have to be taking the lead!


Meal Prep Monday


The longer I am on this journey, the more important I realize it is to meal prep. Meal prep is not only helpful on a weight loss journey, but also really helpful if you’re just busy.  By taking some time to prepare easy to grab items, I am able to spend less time thinking about what to pack, and more time doing the things that matter.

In order to set myself up for a strong start this week (and get back my mojo), I decided to  focus on preparing breakfasts for the week.  I find when I do this, I have much more success than when I am left to decide, last minute, in what I like to call “grab and go” mode.

In addition to meal prep, I also always create a weekly menu from which I use to complete my weekly grocery list. Although all of these require some initial dedication, in the end, it saves me time and helps to make the mornings and evenings a bit easier.

This week, I made the following recipes: Kodiak Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins and Mini Phyllo Quiches. The muffin recipe was shared by someone in my Weight Watchers group and the quiches were inspired by a recipe I saw on another page. I plan on having one muffin and a serving of quiches for breakfast Monday-Wednesday this week.  Stay tuned for Thursday-Saturday’s breakfasts.

Kodiak Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins


  • 2 cups Kodiak Buttermilk Pancake/Waffle Mix
  • 15 ounce can of pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix)
  • 1/4 cup honey
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 cup chocolate chips (I used mini morsels)
  • 1 tsp. vanilla

Mix all ingredients together.  Evenly disperse among 12 cupcake liners. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes.

Makes 12 muffins at 5 Smart Points each.

Mini Phyllo Quiches


  • 1/3 cup liquid egg whites
  • 1/3 cup egg substitute
  • 1/4 small green pepper chopped
  • 1 ounce of Boar’s Head Low Sodium, Low Fat American Cheese (or any cheese you like–will change points value)
  • 30 mini phyllo shells (I used the Athens brand:  2 packages, 15 shells in each box)
  • 3 slices of Oscar Meyer Fully Cooked Bacon, chopped into small pieces

Preheat oven to 350.  Spray bottom of pan with cooking spray.  Place shells on pan. Evenly fill each shell with peppers, cheese, bacon and egg mixture. Heat for 8-10 minutes or until eggs are cooked. To reheat, microwave or toast.

Makes 6 servings (5 mini quiches each) at 3 Smart Points per serving.